Pregnancy Update + The Question I Never Ask An Expecting Mama

I was quieter than usual on social media and the blog in January and February. Partly because I know y’all were probably sick of me after my nonstop Holiday Gift Guide posting in December;). But also because shortly after the holidays we found out we were expecting and our normal day-to-day life came to a screeching halt.

Not only have I had morning sickness, but I’ve also had a few pregnancy issues that warranted “take it easy” and “stay off your feet as much as possible” orders from my doctor. So these past few months I’ve been doing as little as humanly possibleduring the week (with three children, that is!) and have spent most weekends in the bed while my husband sweetly took up the slack.

This is the surprising thing about me and pregnancy: most women see a pregnant lady and a wave of nostalgia, or even envy, runs through them. Not I. When I see an expecting mother, a sense of terror runs down my spine.

I know that probably sounds ridiculous, but I guess having a very complicated pregnancy can do that to a person. I spent six weeks on the antepartum floor of Baylor Hospital, a floor that is full of women who have had something go terribly wrong with their pregnancies. I know things I don’t want to know. . .

And while I did have a personal blog during that time, I could never really put into words the trauma I experienced those 15 weeks on bed rest. Truth be told, I still have occasional nightmares of dying on the operating table during my emergency C-section. (Sorry, I’m getting a little raw here!)

Now please don’t misunderstand. I have not been in a fit of worry these past few months. That experience seven years ago thankfully cured me of the nonstop worrying that plagued my brain and heart for years beforehand. (I think when you truly realize you don’t have control over things in this life, it is easy to let that pesky day-to-day worry go!).

I have actually had quiet peace about this pregnancy and have a bit of confidence because I had a normal pregnancy with my third child. Still, you can understand why we took my doctor’s recent recommendations to “take it easy” so seriously!

I go back to the doctor next week and hopefully will get a good report to start resuming normal activities. But you definitely won’t see me pushing the boundaries of pregnancy on my blog these next six months. (No 5Ks or SoulCycle  through 39 weeks for me!) As much as I would like to be that kind of modern pregnant mama, I have learned I simply cannot – neither physically nor mentally. Let’s say this: I identify way more with the way pregnancy was treated in the times of Victoria. (Have y’all watched the PBS series? I loved it!).

Now having said all this, I am thrilled for this baby. Yes my excitement has been tempered due to past experiences, but that doesn’t mean my heart hasn’t tucked away this news with pure joy and expectation for a healthy baby.

Over the past few years my husband and I had often talked about how fun it would be to have a fourth child – you know, if money wasn’t an issue and everything else was smooth sailing in our lives. Ha!

But God’s plan doesn’t seem wait around for smooth sailing, does it? Knowing that God knew the desires of our heart and had a plan for this baby before she (or he!) was even formed is such a powerful feeling. (Again, the realization that we really don’t have as much control in our lives as we think!) I believed it with my first child, but I am blown away by that Scripture even more with this sweet fourth child. (I still can’t believe it as I type it…fourth child.)

On that note, I’ll end with a little “what to say” etiquette thought. Admittedly, I get a tad uncomfortable when people ask if this baby was a surprise. There’s certainly no harm in asking (and I think it’s okay to ask your close friend or sister) but I’m talking about people I don’t really know that well.

Personally, I just don’t think I would ask someone that question. Two reasons: First, it is a very personal question. You are basically asking someone about their use or non-use (or mis-use!) of birth control. And, second, I feel like if I answer that, yes, this baby was a surprise, then it comes across as if he or she is not as wanted as my other children. And that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Perhaps I am being too sensitive in my pregnant state (tell me if I am!) but that question always just rubs me the wrong way. If the mom wants to divulge the answer, she will in her own way (as I did here!).

Okay, y’all, now I need some advice because I gave away all my maternity clothes and baby gear. If you’ve had a baby recently, tell me what’s new or what brands you have loved. I am definitely going minimalist for this baby: a) We don’t have room a lot of room and b) I just don’t want a lot of “stuff.”

So maternity and baby essentials you love? Tell me below!

Sources:

Baby gifts c/o Hip Hip Hooray (Call to order)

 

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38 thoughts on “Pregnancy Update + The Question I Never Ask An Expecting Mama

  1. You nailed the Worst question to ask an expecting mom! Being a mom of so many, I have been asked that question so many times! When I was pregnant with Jace, I decided to refuse to answer, and would reply “we’ve decided not to share that with anyone”. There is no right answer – either you’re insane for wanting yet another child – or you’re possibly dim enough not to use birth control properly!

    1. Hahaha! I am glad I am not the only one who thinks that question is inappropriate, particularly coming from complete strangers!

  2. I totally agree about that question! People must not realise how it comes across. I am glad you mentioned it, as I’ve thought the same thing. I am so excited and continuing to pray for you and sweet baby #4!

  3. I also recommend sizing up in leggings and tunics. Good for wearing those months postpartum when you aren’t ready for your regular size clothes. Also, StitchFix does maternity clothes too, so you could get one or two shipments and be fairly set.

    Also, I agree 100% about not asking the question on whether or not a baby is a surprise. We got that question when we were pregnant with our first and even after he was first born (because he was born a few weeks before our first anniversary) and then we got the question when pregnant with #4. It is a very frustrating and personal question. And now we get asked if we are done (we have 4) – another too personal question in my opinion.

    1. Thank you, Kristin! I didn’t know about Stitch Fix for maternity. And, yes, maybe this post will get people to realize that maybe it’s not the best thing to ask a pregnant momma;).

  4. Sweet tears of joy for you, my friend! I love your tip on what not to ask. People ask me that because my youngest is four years younger than my middle daughter. I do think it is a bit offensive but probably not intended to be that way. Most people don’t know that I had a major spinal surgery when my middle was 20 months old and then slightly blush when I tell them. That’s the only thing that delayed our having our precious third daughter. I had just conquered my fear of another emergency C-section. 🙂 Thankful the Lord orders our lives! Praying for your family and this precious baby!

  5. Lots of Mi Golondrina dresses to feel festive and cool all summer! Also JCrew made great maternity jean and white jean shorts that were the perfect length a few summers ago. Maybe they’ll bring them back? It’s nice to have shorts as an option when’s it’s July in a Dallas 🙂

    1. Does J.Crew not do maternity any more? Bummer if that’s the case! But I love the Mi Golodrina idea – perfect for HOT Dallas summers!

  6. Excited for you all and praying for you, Lee! Completely agree with you too… our quiver is certainly full with 8 blessings, but whether each was a “surprise” is quite personal, and awkward when asked in front of children. Instead, we might consider new life in our families as less “planned” by us and more as a purposeful gift and blessing from GOD. Simple congratulations and support is the best! I’m rejoicing with you, Lee, and would certainly rejoice if God chose to bless us with another, even though my pregnancies severely limit me physically. It gives my children the opportunity to really see more need to serve each other (and me, which is admittedly humbling). It always blows me away. A true team effort. And the reward at the end for the entire family is a precious baby to love. And there are lots of willing helpers ALL the time. Win all around! Love to you and thank you for your heartfelt blog. ~Diana

    1. Thank you, Diana, for your wise and encouraging words. My girls have had to step it up, too, and while I feel a little guilty, I know it’s probably good for them. They are so excited about this baby and I feel so blessed that God is giving us another sibling for them.

  7. Just saw Kiki’s comment… love it and so true! Us “moms of many” may be a little crazy, but love really does multiply in a family!

  8. Congrats! I am pregnant with my second, due August 1st! I don’t care for that question either, people tend to ask me a lot because my girls will so close in age (22 months apart). However, we were trying!
    I love H & M for maternity clothes!

    1. That’s so funny. I just bought some awesome jeans and leggings and two cute striped tops from H&M. I wish they had more selection in store because they all fit really well!

  9. So happy for you Lee!! I’m about to unload all my maternity clothes and have sooo many nice ones!! You are welcome to come browse through if you’d like!!

  10. Agreed with ASOS. And there are often great sales and items on Zulily. And Target Maternity has some great staples online!! Pregnancy was the only time I could justify buying cheaply made stuff- you know it doesn’t have to last long!

  11. I recently had my third little girl, and after 2 spring babies, very little of maternity wardrobe worked for a fall baby and pregnancy in the heat of the summer! Asos, Mi Golondrina, and Facebook yard sales were go to’s. I had about 5-7 outfits I rotated through each week, and now that I’m no longer pregnant and have more options in my closet, I miss the simplicity of my maternity wardrobe. I also bought some maternity pixie pants from J Crew. They were wonderful throughout my pregnancy and after having the baby. I do think it is so important for expectant mom’s to try to feel pretty and take care of their bodies in this season when our bodies are doing so much amazing work. So happy for you and your family!

    1. That is a great point about the simplicity of the maternity wardrobe. I hadn’t even thought about Mi Golondrina but those dresses would be perfect. Thank you!

  12. Congratulations! I echo the ASOS recommendations, and I also love Old Navy for sundresses and Gap for their essential black/white/gray tshirts, tanks and long sleeved tops. I’ve also seen some cute things on Pink Blush but hadn’t heard of it when I was expecting my daughters so I’ve never bought from them.

  13. I would be tempted to reply with something snarky if I was in the mood. Like “are you surprised? I’m not.” Or can you explain to me where babies come from? :-/ maybe I would just say it in my head. My go-to for mamas is always “Congratulations, you look great!”

    I’ve found some cute items on PinkBlush.

  14. Nordstrom started selling maternity in the store!! You may know that already, but I was excited it wasn’t just online!

  15. My sister loves her Dockatot for my nephew. It pretty much takes the place of a huge pack and play and is easily movable. It’s perfect for traveling and always gives the baby an easy place to sleep and rest. It’s a little pricey but worth every penny according to her because it’s so easily movable and takes the place of so many large items like a pack and play and bassinet.

  16. As a 38 yr old mama to be I totally relate to this post. I’m actually surprised so many people feel the need to comment at all. I was recently traveling and had two strangers randomly tell us (my husband, sonn and I) “congratulations guys”! It was so simple and so appropriate.

    The hardest comments for me have been, “you look like you’re about to pop!”…”are you sure there aren’t twins in there?” Or, “are you gonna make it that far?”…I mean, c’com, I already feel huge enough. That does not help!!

    My fave maternity looks have been: pea and pod super soft riches shirts that you can layer or show off your belly, cotton dresses from gap, with cute tennis shoes, free people tunics, AG maternity jeans and maxi dresses. Oh and I LIVE in my pea and pod maternity pj sets. At some point my belly was too big to accommodate anything but maternity shirts…and NO, I’m not having twins!!

    1. Thank you for the great maternity clothing recommendations! And totally agree about those comments (what are people thinking?!)

  17. Nuna pipa is an amazing infant seat – I loved it.
    The uppa vista really is worth it.
    Milk snob cover is amazing. A must .
    The Ollie swaddle is a life saver.
    The leachco baby lounger was another life saver!

  18. Hi! I have loved your blog, but never commented! I am also a Providence mom with 8th grade triplets, a 7th grader, and a 2 year old. I could write a book of all the comments we have heard over the years! Our 2 year old and I have a miraculous story, and I have had many opportunities to proclaim God’s good works!
    We love the Uppa Baby Cruz – lighter than the vista and a little less expensive. And, our favorite new baby produce was the Baby Breeza formula maker. I needed a big surgery when our baby was 6 weeks old, and we quickly realized it would be hard for me to continue to fully nurse. My husband was so excited when a nurse told him about the Breeza.; )
    Congratulation! I know this new blessing will bring much joy and laughter to your home!

    1. Thank you so much for the recommendations and kind words! Hopefully our paths will cross because I would love to meet you.

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