I am so grateful to those who have reached out or commented that they are praying for baby and me. Things seem to be stable right now. At this point, I am so thankful for the monotony of bed rest, rather than a baby in the NICU.
So what is hospital bed rest like? Well, I can only get out of the bed to use the restroom and take a shower. I can leave my room twice a week – to go to get a sonogram a few doors down. (I think prisoners get more freedom!) Two times a day they put me on the heartbeat monitor and that’s always comforting, but also scary if the baby’s heart starts dipping.
As some of you know, there is no “rest” in hospital bed rest. A nurse, tech or resident comes in my room every few hours to check my vitals, give meds, basically make sure I am not getting an infection. The schedule has been 12, 2, 4, 5, and 7 or 8. And that’s just in the middle of the night! (Hope that will get better now that I’m finished with antibiotics.)
During the day, you have all that plus the dietician, the nutritionist, the chaplain, the random hospital administrator, the grad student wanting to know if I will be part of a study. The “do not disturb” sign I requested for my door only mildly helps. People have to do their job; I get that. But, wow, this is hard on both the mind and body.
The good news is that since I was here eight years ago there have been a few upgrades to the floor. The rooms are still matchboxes, but at least they have been modernized. Another nice thing is that every few days a volunteer will come play the piano or the harp out in the hall and all the moms will open their doors to listen to something other than the sound of their loud air conditioners and squeaky hospital beds. (File this volunteer idea away if you or your children have a musical talent!) And just about every nurse I’ve had has been so kind and compassionate.
I am still battling guilt and fear, but I feel more of a peace than I did a few days ago. Mostly, I am just sad to watch the summer go by (and, to be honest, watch everyone else’s fun summers go by on social media!) while I am stuck in here without my children.
At this point I really don’t have any desire to read or watch a Netflix series. I know this sounds strange, but I just feel like the situation is so serious that I shouldn’t/can’t enjoy myself. I know, I am odd. Hopefully my mindset will change soon!
I am still blogging, though, because I look it at more as work and something I should keep doing as long as I can to help our family (because hello medical bills!). And because I view blogging as work, albeit fun work, I don’t feel as guilty looking up great sales or writing about great gifts. Plus, it’s one small thing I feel like I still have control over from this bed;).
Whenever I am not doing something, I will just look at the ceiling and pray. I plead with the Lord to protect this baby and sustain this pregnancy a lot longer. Pray that He might spare us from years of feeding tubes, doctors and therapists and all the things that can come with a premature baby. Pray for my children’s protection as they are out of my care and being carted every which way. Pray for mom who has exhausted herself this week. Pray for my husband, who is courageously and selflessly holding down the fort both physically and emotionally, all while managing a strenuous workload.
This past year in Bible Study we studied the first and second books of Kings and Chronicles (books I am not even sure I even glanced at before!). What could a mom in the 21st century possibly glean from these books detailing one horrible king after another, immorality piled on immorality? A lot actually. But the biggest thing I took away is that that God’s plan for His people cannot be thwarted no matter how evil the leader in charge, no matter how big the army one facing, no matter how dark the situation. God use all of those things for His purposes and He never ever forsakes His people or turns His back on His promises. If we belong to Him, we never have to be afraid.
So it was no surprise that several friends from Bible Study send me the following passage, which I am dwelling on tonight. Perhaps it will be encouraging to you, too.
“Thus says the Lord to you, ‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God’s. Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz. You will find them at the end of the valley, east of the wilderness of Jeruel. You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.’ Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you.
2 Chronicles 20:15-17
P.S. I had some friends ask if I would be emailing out these pregnancy update posts (they are so sweet and concerned!). However, I don’t feel like people signed up for DoSayGive’s email list to hear about my pregnancy;). I will, however, post on Instagram and Facebook and include a link to the most recent pregnancy update at the bottom of my normal blog emails.
Thank you so much for your continued prayers and messages! I feel the love from this tiny hospital room.
Source: Peony Arrangement